One of the challenges of modern dating is figuring out which behaviors deserve our attention and which ones don't.
A delayed text message? Probably not a crisis. Forgetting to like a post? Not worth losing sleep over. But every now and then, someone does something that leaves you feeling unsettled, even if you can't immediately explain why. That was the subject of this week's Spill It question.
A listener wrote to us about a new romantic interest who followed her on Instagram, unfollowed her, then followed her again—more than once in a single week. On the surface, it sounds like a minor social media annoyance. Yet both Veida Horn and I agreed that the behavior felt strange.
When you're getting to know someone, you're learning about much more than attraction. You're learning how they communicate, how they handle relationships, and how they show up in everyday situations. Small actions often provide clues about larger patterns.
Someone who repeatedly sends mixed signals can leave you feeling confused, uncertain, and distracted by trying to figure out what they're thinking. Healthy relationships tend to move in the opposite direction. They create clarity. You know where you stand. You don't spend your days decoding behavior that seems designed to keep you guessing.
Of course, there are innocent explanations for almost anything. People accidentally click buttons. They change their minds. They make mistakes. What matters is the overall pattern.
When a behavior happens once, it may not mean very much. When it happens repeatedly, it's worth paying attention.
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned over the years is that discomfort often contains information. It doesn't mean we should jump to conclusions. It does mean we should remain curious about why something feels off. Sometimes our instincts notice a pattern before our minds fully understand it.
Dating is complicated enough without turning every interaction into a detective case. If someone consistently leaves you confused, it may be worth asking whether confusion is something you want to build a relationship around.
The right person may not be perfect. But they shouldn't leave you wondering what happened every time you open your phone.
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