In this episode’s Spill It segment, my friend Veida Horn and I answered a question that feels incredibly current, and honestly a little ridiculous in the most modern way possible: should you trust ChatGPT with your love life?
The question came from someone whose friends are apparently running everything through AI, including dating advice. And if that sounds extreme, it really isn’t anymore. A lot of people are doing this now. They’re uploading screenshots, asking for help interpreting texts, and even getting suggested responses before they write back.
So the real question wasn’t whether people are doing it. They are. The question was whether they should.
What made this conversation fun is that Veida and I did not come at it from exactly the same place. Veida’s position was that ChatGPT can actually be useful if you give it enough history and context. If you have been dating someone for a while, if there have been patterns in the communication, if there is enough information there, she thinks it can sometimes identify behavior pretty accurately. In her view, it can spot a slow burn, inconsistency, avoidance, or even bigger personality issues when those patterns keep repeating.
And to be fair, she had an example. She talked about a situation where she had gone through a stretch of silence with someone she had met, and she started checking in with ChatGPT about what was happening. According to her, when the person finally did respond, the read she had gotten from AI turned out to be accurate. So from her perspective, it was not completely useless. It picked up on the pattern.
But that is where the other side of the conversation came in, because there is a limit to what AI can know.
What I found persuasive in this segment was the point that text messages are incredibly nuanced. Tone matters. History matters. Personality matters. The way one person writes “K” can mean absolutely nothing, and the way another person writes “K” can mean they are furious. A machine cannot always know the difference, because it does not actually know the person. It only knows the text you fed it.
That distinction matters.
And once we got further into the conversation, that is where the real balance started to emerge. It is one thing to use ChatGPT for perspective. It is another thing to let it take over. Veida made it very clear that she does not let it write responses for her, and that was an important line in the sand. Because once you start sending AI-generated texts to someone you are dating, it stops feeling like you. It becomes overly polished, too perfect, and frankly a little embarrassing. You can usually tell when a real person did not write something.
That part made me laugh, because it is true.
The funniest turn in the conversation came when we started joking about Veida’s relationship with the robot itself. She referred to ChatGPT as a “she,” talked about turning on the voice, and suddenly the whole thing became less about dating advice and more about whether she was developing a codependent friendship with the robot. That was the comic turn in the segment, but it also made the larger point: there is a difference between using a tool and leaning on it so much that it starts replacing your own judgment.
We even tested it live with a simple dating question. If you go on a date and want to thank the person afterward without sounding pushy, should you text? Veida and I answered that ourselves first, and then asked ChatGPT the same thing. The answer it gave was basically what we would have said anyway: yes, keep it short, simple, and low pressure. In that case, it was fine. Helpful, even. But the fact that it agreed with common sense did not suddenly make it the authority on relationships.
And that is really where the segment lands.
Use it a little if you want reassurance. Use it occasionally if you need a neutral read on a situation. Throw something in there if you want a little validation. But do not build your dating life around it. Do not let it respond for you. Do not ignore your instincts because a robot told you otherwise.
That was the clearest conclusion of the whole conversation: if your gut tells you one thing and the robot tells you another, go with your gut.
Because ChatGPT may understand some patterns in human behavior. But it is still not human. It does not know chemistry. It does not know timing. It does not know your instincts. And it definitely does not know your relationship better than you do.
So where do I land after listening to this whole debate play out?
Proceed with caution.
That is the phrase that fits best. Use it sometimes, but not always. Let it be a tool, not a crutch. And never confuse assistance with wisdom.
Because dating is already enough of a jungle without bringing a robot in as your third opinion.
Watch the full Spill It segment on Party’s Over, and if you know someone who has been asking ChatGPT what to text back, send this to them. They may not stop, but at least they’ll know where the line is.
