One of my favorite parts of Party’s Over is the Spill It segment, where Veida Horn and I answer questions from listeners. These questions are always honest, sometimes complicated, and often things people are quietly wrestling with in their own lives.
In this episode, we received a question that immediately made us pause.
A woman wrote to us saying she’s about to turn forty. She wants children. She’s in a relationship—but deep down she knows the man she’s dating is not her forever partner.
So the question becomes: do you stay and have a baby with someone you know isn’t right, or do you walk away and risk losing the chance to become a mother?
It’s one of those questions where there isn’t a simple answer.
The first thing Veida and I talked about was something many women feel but don’t always talk about openly: the pressure of time.
When you’re approaching forty, fertility suddenly becomes a factor in a way it might not have been earlier in life.
That doesn’t mean motherhood isn’t possible—it absolutely is. But it does mean the timeline starts to feel very real.
One of the first practical steps we discussed was understanding your options.
For some women, egg freezing can create more flexibility. For others, exploring fertility with a doctor can clarify what’s possible and what the timeline might actually look like.
The important thing is making decisions based on information rather than fear.
The bigger emotional question, though, is about the relationship itself.
If you already know someone isn’t your forever partner, what does it mean to bring a child into that situation?
Some people choose to co-parent successfully even when the romantic relationship isn’t meant to last.
Others realize they would rather raise a child independently or explore options like sperm donation.
There isn’t one universal answer, because every situation is different.
But what Veida and I both agreed on was this: honesty matters.
If someone is considering having a child within a relationship, both people deserve to be clear about what that decision really means.
What struck me most during the conversation was how easy it is for major life decisions to become driven by fear.
Fear of time running out.
Fear of missing an opportunity.
Fear of making the wrong choice.
But decisions about children—and about relationships—deserve something better than fear.
They deserve clarity.
Clarity about what you want your life to look like.
Clarity about the kind of family you want to build.
And clarity about whether the person you’re with is truly the right partner for that journey.
By the end of our conversation, Veida and I both arrived at the same place.
If you know someone isn’t your forever partner, staying purely out of fear isn’t the answer.
There may still be many paths to becoming a parent.
But the first step is being honest—with yourself and with the person you’re with—about the life you’re trying to create.
Because sometimes the bravest decision is letting go of what isn’t right in order to make space for what might be.