This is the question I hear more than any other:
“But what if they finally realize it?”
“What if therapy works?”
“What if this time is different?”
So I asked a clinical psychologist who’s spent years working with narcissistic dynamics.
Here’s the hard truth: real change is rare.
According to Dr. Justine Weber, narcissists don’t usually enter therapy because they want to grow. They enter because someone else is about to leave. Therapy becomes a performance — a way to keep hope alive just long enough to maintain control.
That doesn’t mean narcissists don’t know what they’re doing. They often do. What they lack is the capacity for self-reflection — the kind required to take responsibility, feel empathy, and change behavior over time.
One of the most important points Dr. Weber makes is this:
Insight is not transformation.
Someone can say the right words, attend sessions, and still remain structurally the same. When women stay because “he’s in therapy now,” they often stay longer than they should — clinging to the idea of who that person could become rather than who they consistently are.
And here’s the quiet damage of hope: it keeps you waiting.
Waiting for proof.
Waiting for change.
Waiting for relief.
Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s waking up.
When you accept that someone is unlikely to change, you regain your power to choose — not from bitterness, but from clarity.
If this conversation feels uncomfortably familiar, you’re not broken. You’re informed.
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