One of the strangest emotional moments in marriage is this: You spend years pouring your energy into raising your children—schedules, sports, homework, college tours, the whole thing. And then one day… the last one leaves. And it’s quiet.
And suddenly you look across the table at your partner and think: Wait… who are we now?
This week, a listener wrote in and said something so honest: “My husband and I raised three great kids, and the last one just left for college. We love each other, but now it’s clear how much we drifted apart. Any advice on how we can reconnect?”
First of all, I’m so glad she asked.
Because so many couples hit this “emptiness phase” and instead of trying, one person just checks out. They throw in the towel as if the marriage is supposed to be over now.
And I’m here to say: no.
If you’ve spent decades building a family together, you don’t toss your relationship aside just because the house is quieter. This is supposed to be your time. This is your chance to start a new chapter—and write it with intention.
Drifting apart doesn’t mean you failed. It means you were busy surviving a very demanding season of life.
Parenthood is intense. The schedules get crazy. Your priorities shift. You get tired. You stop flirting and start coordinating. Before you know it, you’re like ships passing in the night.
So if you feel disconnected now, don’t label it “doom.” Label it what it is: a moment of recalibration.
I know it sounds simple. It’s supposed to.
You don’t need a dramatic speech. You don’t need to rehash every fight from the last 15 years. You need to start doing something that a lot of couples forget: You need to court each other again.
Try this:
Marriage isn’t just commitment. It’s attention.
This is one of my favorite exercises because it’s both nostalgic and practical.
Ask yourselves: “What did we connect on before we had kids?”
Reconnection isn’t always about deep emotional conversations. Sometimes reconnection starts by simply doing something you both used to love.
I’m not saying a vacation solves everything—but it’s a brilliant “reset button.” A change of scene can break the routine and remind you that your marriage exists outside the machinery of daily life.
So yes: Start with a vacation.
Then see how it feels when you’re not surrounded by responsibilities and chores and reminders of parenting. If the vacation helps, great. If it doesn’t? That’s useful information too.
This part matters: you can’t just hope closeness happens. You schedule it.
Once a week:
lunch together
And for bonus points? Hold hands. It sounds small, but the body remembers intimacy faster than the brain does.
There are great options:
marriage coaches
There’s no shame in support. In fact, it’s one of the most mature things you can do.
Because the truth is: You don’t have a broken marriage. You have a marriage entering a new era.
And you can absolutely rebuild closeness in this chapter—with love, intention, and a little romance.
Thanks for Spilling It with us. Keep the questions coming—we’re here for you.
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Until next time: Stay radiant. Stay ruthless.
And remember: protecting your peace is always in style.