This is something I wish I had learned earlier in life:
If a friendship makes you feel uneasy, anxious, or smaller — that feeling is information.
In this Spill It segment of Party’s Over, we talk openly about shady friendships — the ones that don’t explode overnight, but erode you slowly. The friends who smile to your face and undermine you behind your back. The ones who take, drain, compete, or quietly resent your growth.
Not all toxic friendships are loud. Some are subtle.
They show up as eye rolls.
Backhanded compliments.
Guilt trips when you set boundaries.
A sense that you’re always giving — and never receiving.
Many of us ignore these signs, especially when we’re younger. We tell ourselves we’re being “nice.” Loyal. Understanding. But over time, that generosity becomes self-abandonment.
In this conversation, Nancy and Erica share powerful personal stories — friendships that lasted far too long because of guilt, history, or fear of confrontation.
One thing becomes very clear:
If someone is constantly making withdrawals and never deposits, that is not friendship.
Your energy is not an unlimited resource. And your emotional labor is not free therapy.
One of the hardest lessons — especially for women — is learning that boundaries are not cruelty.
You don’t owe access to people who make you feel unsafe, unseen, or unvalued. You don’t owe explanations to people who repeatedly cross your lines. And you certainly don’t owe loyalty to those who don’t celebrate you.
As we get older, we gain something invaluable: permission. Permission to say no. Permission to walk away. Permission to choose peace.
Friends are the family we choose.
Choose the ones who cheer for you.
Choose the ones who respect your boundaries.
Choose the ones who make deposits, not withdrawals.
And if someone brings anxiety into your life instead of ease — let that be your answer.