Episode 120: Spill It: Should You Tell the Truth — or Protect the Peace?

This is the part of the show where things get uncomfortable — and honest.

In Part C of Episode 120 of Party’s Over, we tackle a question that hits closer to home than many people want to admit:

If you had an affair years ago, your relationship is now stable, and your partner doesn’t know — should you tell the truth, or is it kinder to keep it to yourself?

There’s no dramatic buildup. No villains. Just real life — and a moral crossroads.

Two Women. Two Perspectives. One Hard Question.

In this Spill It segment, Erica and I don’t agree — and that’s exactly why the conversation matters.

One perspective says:
If you’re happy now, why reopen a wound? Why hurt someone when the past is truly over? If you weren’t married or engaged at the time, is confession about honesty — or about relieving your own guilt?

The other perspective says:
Secrets don’t disappear. They wait. And if a relationship is meant to last, it should be built on truth — even when the truth is uncomfortable. Especially then.

Both positions come from experience. From having lived the consequences of silence and disclosure.

The Question Beneath the Question

What we’re really asking isn’t Should I tell?
It’s Why do I want to tell?

Is it to:

• Clear your conscience?
• Give your partner agency?
• Prove you’ve changed?
• Or absolve yourself of guilt?

And just as importantly:
Can you live with the consequences — either way?

Because once the truth is out, you don’t get to control how it lands.

Timing, Maturity, and Emotional Responsibility

We also talk about context — age, maturity, commitment, and timing. A mistake made years ago by a younger version of yourself doesn’t automatically define who you are now. But it also doesn’t automatically disappear.

Sometimes honesty heals.
Sometimes it destroys something fragile but functional.

And sometimes the most honest thing you can do is sit with your own discomfort — without handing it to someone else.

So… What’s the Answer?

There isn’t one.

And that’s the point.

Spill It isn’t about telling you what to do — it’s about asking better questions before you act. Because relationships don’t end from one decision alone. They end when people stop being intentional.

If this dilemma struck a nerve, listen to Part C of Episode 120 of Party’s Over — and then sit with it. Really sit with it. And if you want more conversations that don’t shy away from nuance, contradiction, and truth, my book From BS to Botox goes even deeper.

Send us your questions. Keep them coming.
This segment is only as powerful as the honesty behind it.